Back to school is a tough time for couples with children who are recently separated. Just remember this: back to school back to basics.

For couples with children who are recently separated or going through a divorce, getting your children ready for back to school and extra circular activities is like sailing in high winds. So, here are some tips to help you sail the rough waters:

Communicate with your school

Inform the school of your recent separation and pending divorce.  Alerting the principal and teachers will help them understand and recognize emotional and physical changes your child may experience as a result of the marriage breakdown. Make sure you update their contact information, as the children will now be living in two households.

Schedule joint parent teacher interviews so that both parents receive information from the school at the same time. If the relationship is not amicable, then it is better to request individual parent teacher interviews.

Communicate with your child

Prepare your children for questions at school and other activities. Schoolmates and other parents will be curious.  Discuss what queries are appropriate and inappropriate to address. Identify issues that are private to the family. Teach the child how to politely redirect and deflect these queries.  Talk openly to your children about the marriage breakdown. For younger children, the following is a good video produced by Sesame Street that gently explains what divorce is:  http://www.sesamestreet.org/parents/topicsandactivities/toolkits/divorce

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Don’t sweat the small stuff like unfinished homework or moments of acting out.  Focus on aberrant or uncharacteristic behaviour such as becoming withdrawn, and long periods of sadness or anger. Pay attention to signs like plummeting school grades that indicate your child may be experiencing a problem. How are they interacting with their peers? Are they losing friends, or hanging out with a new group of problematic kids?  Are they displaying changes in behaviour such as intense anger, lying, cheating, stealing, skipping classes, or getting into fights?  Look for physical symptoms such as sleep or eating disorders, and unexplained stomachaches or headaches. Is there substance abuse?

The Calgary Board of Education School Family Liaison can be of assistance to you and your family during this challenging time. The School Family Liaison is there to support your child at school.

Be involved in your children’s life. Consider volunteering in activities that they are involved in or just be there to show your support.  Above all, consistently support your child at home.

With school comes routine, and with routine comes a sense of security for your child.  Children need that security especially when the world as they knew it is now in chaos. September is the start of a new year, and ready or not, back to school means a new routine. Embrace the challenge and sail through the rough water.

“The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore.”
– Vincent Van Gogh